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Public Service Announcement: Mother Nature's Subversive 4G63 Destruction Plot

broxma

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2009
Messages
911
Location
San Antonio Tx
I wanted to put this in a place where people would be able to apply the lesson I recently learned to themselves and their cars, and this applies directly to GVR4's. Although this subversive plot was a successful attempt to destroy my Evo, it is still a 4G63 motor and the same rules apply. Also, I work on my Galant in the same location, so what happened to my Evo, could happen to my Galant. You could be next, so this should serve as a warning for everyone.



I thought we were rid of the political conspiracies concerning Socialist Agendas and Non-For Profit agencies, but it appears the far right may have been correct about at least one of them. The group known as "ACORN" is working against individuals with cars deemed as "Gross Polluters" to try and irreparably damage the vehicles in order to get them off the road. This is basically a new form of Eco-Terrorism which is being blamed on a person spearheading the operation known as "Mother Nature". While her real intentions are obvious and apparent, we are unsure how this is going to play out in the future. What happened to me may in fact be stage 1 of a much larger attack. "ACORN" and by extension "Mother Nature" are working with a newly discovered socialist group calling themselves, "The Squirrels". I have proof of their malicious attempts to destroy these vehicles in my state of residence, Texas, but this more than likely is something that will begin happening all across the country.



Of course you should demand evidence before blindly accepting what a single person says is a huge conspiracy, and fortunately, I have just such that evidence. My car, a 2003 Lancer Evolution in this case, had been recently under the knife for a rebuild. I had got the car running and was doing some slow street driving to see what problems would crop up. Little did I know, that at some point during the rebuild, I had been visited by this group, who apparently had found out about my intentions. The first sign something was wrong was when I hit the accelerator, and suddenly, for no reason, the car would not stop accelerating in gear. I took it out of gear and the motor revved to 9 grand and stayed there. I shut the car off with the key and pulled over. A quick inspection showed the throttle cable was semi locked in place, but upon simply moving it a bit, it became dislodged. However, at this point, the car would no longer run. It would turn over, but not run.



I towed the car home and started to look at things. The ignition was working, but the car had very low compression, like 35 points. I began to disassemble it. The first thing I realized was my car had been sabotaged. I found this in the throttle body.



25a12d2.jpg


This was my first inclination that I had been attacked. The acorn had lodged itself in the IAC Bypass port. In addition to this acorn, there were about 10 more sitting at the throttle plate when I removed the upper IC pipe. I looked further...

I removed the intake manifold and found about 7 more acorns in the manifold. It was becoming clear. I had been the target of a coordinated attack, only later I found out the group was in fact a terrorist organization called "The Squirrels".

1zqd6ad.jpg


After I removed the head, I found that acorns had indeed passed the throttle plate, gone into the intake runners and been chopped up by the valves. The valves has smashed the acorn outer bits off leaving only the centers. Three of the four runners had 2-4 acorns sitting on the back of the valve, and the face of the seats had crushed acorns all over them. This was a two tiered attacked, first, the attempt at rev killing the motor, then if that failed, a mass assault on the internal components of the motor.

2e4kuup.jpg


The damage had been done. The group had successfully managed to fill almost the entire combustion chamber with acorn bits, smashed by the valves and piston. These bits were soaked in gas and highly flammable. Three of the four cylinders had such debris in them.

2dl7itt.jpg


More evidence of the plot. Mother Nature had done her homework. She knew that to disable a motor, you need to do one of a few things. The first attempt was kill the airflow. The assault then moved onto kill the spark. We believe no the intention was to have the acorns destroy the spark plugs. Third phase was kill compression. By coating the valve seats and valves with carbonized acorn bits, the car could never run. A well planned attack.

I turned the head over and filled the chambers with water, to find that three of the four lost the water almost immediately. It doesn't appear that any valves were bent oddly, just coated with acorns, giving enough gap for water or air to escape.

So let this bee a warning to any of you who are woefully fearful all day of government plots and take over of the country by deranged foreigners with no birth certificates, aka, squirrels. This could happen to you. If you leave your IC pipes open, and these illegals get in there, they will try to disable your car out of spite. If you are the type who bought a solar oven and 50 pound bags of wheat because some talking head on TV told you the price of bread would be 20.00 a loaf in three months, then this warning is for you. Take no chances. Go buy a shotgun right now because the wave is coming. Shoot to kill any rodent within 5 miles of your home. Cats may also be suspected as working with the enemy. I love my country, (sniff sniff), and no group of furries is gonna take away my rights. No rodent is gonna keep me from guzzling gas on the highways my tax dollars went to pay for. I hope you will all join me in this fight, and keep our consumption high and our corporate taxes low, because the middle class has it too easy, and we need to kill these squirrels before they do anymore damage to the great people of this land.

Good night and may he bless this land with His Noodly Appendages.

/brox
 

Struc

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 24, 2008
Messages
764
Location
Oconomowoc, WI
I'm glad you still have a sense of humor about it. Good, entertaining write up story.
 

curtis

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2003
Messages
11,892
Location
Clarksville TN
So how did the turbine wheel look, and do you have a cat on the car..............If so why didn't it kill the fricking squirrel /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Sorry had to but check those two things and also flush out all and I mean all oil passages. I just helped a friend redo his s300 and it had 3 or 4 pieces of bearing rammed up against the thrust that blocked oil flow and almost killed the turbo. The turbo was off a 18 wheeler so I guess we know why it was new on a old motor in the junkyard. as for the turbo be hell to flush but back flush it from the drain back.
 

FlyingEagle

Staff member
Joined
Mar 5, 2005
Messages
1,635
Location
THE Ottawa
2 things:
Rebuilds should always be performed in a nut free facility so as to not raise suspicion amongst the "squirrels". PC or squirrel death right?
Extrude hone came free of charge.

Damn, that is most unusual and warrants those who leave the motors in various states of disrepair, without blocking off certain extremities that lead directly to the intake manifold, open to possibility of "squirrel attack".

I digress, seeing upon closer inspection that the nuts were more than likely almonds and not walnuts, it would stand to reason that your exhaust probably had a hint of Amarreto to it just as things went south?
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/devil.gif
 
Last edited:

14u2nV

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 22, 2004
Messages
9,398
Location
Agency/St. Joe, MO
Some people pay good money to have their parts blasted with crushed walnut shells. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
 

broxma

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2009
Messages
911
Location
San Antonio Tx
The turbo is fine. Exhaust wheel suffered no damage. There is a cat on the car which I believe is the cause of the wood smell and white smoke coming out the exhaust. I have not checked yet, but I believe acorn bits have worked their way to the cat and stopped, and were slowly burning releasing the smoke.

Mind you, all of this happened within a span of about 1/2 mile. I literally left the driveway, up to the corner, turned around and down the road in my subdivision and then this happened. I was just getting up into boost when this all went down, which explains why the acorns were spread out over such a large number of places, IC endtank, both upper pipes, TB, manifold, runners, and comb chamber.

I took the head to the shop, and should have it back this week. Unless I find something else drastically wrong, I'm going to throw it right back on and take it out again, this time, I stuffed a shop rag in the pipe. As with any experience I try to look at the bright side. I have had this car apart so many times now, I can now tear down the Evo, from running to having no head in a little under 2 hours which approaching my speed on the Galant. The clearance on the pulley side of the Evo is a lot tighter than the Galant but I've got it figured out.

/brox
 

curtis

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2003
Messages
11,892
Location
Clarksville TN
Old crewchiefs use to eat walnuts all the time and then to clean the turbine engines would toss handfuls of crushed shells into the inlet. So didn't figure that there was any damage but you never know.
 
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